Here’s how it really feels to quarantine with kids during this COVID-19 pandemic. I’ll start with my fingers. They are tingling as I type this because they have been so cold on my daily early morning jog, before my 3 kids and husband wake up, and are now warming up from my cicrulating blood after my morning run. Before the other joggers and most dog walkers are out. Before any social distancing friend-walks start. A combination of circulation issues from morning coffee making everything cold, and the darn spring air that has cold moisture hanging in it each day, blocking that warm spring breeze feeling.
Every single morning I wake up, I have goals. Behind that goal is the impending sense of doom that it won’t happen. It won’t happen because 3 little kids awake and want to play Xbox; want to authenticate Fortnite on the laptop; want to accept a friend invite to a Zoom chat, and just want to play cars on the floor. All before breakfast.
When I boundary up - which means to say No to them, to let the Xbox and Barbie and the new Fornite drama show where the characters don’t move their mouths but have personalities be on all day. I literally hide from my toddler as he chases me out the door if I run to the car to have silence to have the luxury of completing a thought - I get questioned by my quarantine partner - my husband - who thinks I’m acting strangely (I’ve written about this before in my former newspaper column).
When I - the former primary caregiver when my partner is working (gone, job lost, but that’s normal for him as he’s a film industry person, so this whole unemployment filing thing and sucky website and call-center thing is old hat - I’m glad it’s finally getting an upgrade) - and a small business owner who happens to be working during this pandemic - when I boundary up to work, I feel like I have to defend it.
Each morning, I put my computer in my shed - my new office location - to attempt to write an article or send a newsletter before re-entering the house after my jog - before everyone wakes up and needs instant oatmeal and fluffy scrambled eggs that they may or may not eat - depending on the mood.
However, this spring has been so cold, that I also do a backup location of my car with keys, so that I can turn it on and work in the heat. Trouble is, the only way I can execute this is if I’m really committed emotionally. It’s hard to break through the barrier of “Where have you been?” or “Working in the car?” And to be really committed emotionally means I have to be angry. Being angry is the only way to continue moving forward. Because when I’m nice, I get stepped on and left to have to do this surrounded by 2 TVs that either have kids programming or national news on them, and 1 device that has Baby Shark and Hulk Smash. And legit requests for banana/strawberry smoothies and peeled apples.
The last time I got a big article out, I had Billie Eilish on repeat. Today I have Icona Pop, with “I Love It” kicking my jog into high gear - warming my bones that honestly feel like they are going to crack if I hit a bump the wrong way and I’m not paying 100% attention to catch myself.
As a business owner in the media, this is my time. I write articles. I report on local issues. I advise businesses how to get the word out during a time when the media is consumed with catching up from Yesterday’s News every single day.
As a business owner, I don’t have a boss stressing me out, making me do anything. I am the boss making me do things. And it takes an incredible amount of self-discipline to keep going with those ideas. Especially when my currency is advertising, and I don’t know who to pitch because I know how many industries are hemorrhaging right now.
I don’t know who to charge advertising to, because we all need to make it. I can’t file for unemployment because I have some money coming in. I can apply for a SBA Loan, but that takes research. But I did it, we’ll see what the bank says. I can get my taxes submitted on time, and hope for a refund. I can pitch advertisers like big medical groups or website companies or newsletter companies for advertising, as they presumablly are still in business.
This hustle is nothing new to a business owner. Entrepreneurs are used to risk. It is part of our DNA. We thrive on it. But in a pandemic, in self-isolation, in a place where you can’t hug your friends, it’s really, really a different space. To constantly turn away from your family all day every day to try to stay caught up, and live with my truth that I didn’t get my currency out - articles and newsletter. That’s it. That’s all I have to do. Is write. But writing requires research and homework and waiting for people to get back to you.
And then the window of publishing has passed and you’re onto a new subject. Like, I was doing Medical Mask Makers 2 weeks ago, and it’s still not out. And what is bubbling up now is disappearing local budgets and possible cuts to education and whatever is in a local budget or what may have been trickling down from a county budget.
Plus, battling through doubts when people in positions of authority maybe don’t like hearing from you, or think you pesky, or think you chicken little. Or is that just my fear? Or is it truth. Regardless, I have to push through, and that takes bravery and strength. That I need to summon every. single. day.
Couple that with the home-front when you and your partner get to debate about who gets to turn off 100% and be off duty in order to get this done. It’s thick.
When I think of the thickness of a healthcare worker who is treating COVID-19 patients right now, all of this fizzles and becomes non-important. Floating and feelings of insignfigance happen again, like it’s not important enough to battle through. Appreciate life. Appreciate home. And that’s the psychological cycle that business owners who are working from home may be experiencing on repeat.
Fortunately, my hands are still warm as I type this. Hopefully it makes it to the daylight of being published on the other side of this Squarespace website.
Peace. :)
