Happy Monday!
In the name of productivity, we were going to email about the new LA media outlets we have in Tin Shingle's Media Contact Idea Center. Yvonne, our head researcher, was happy to take on the project, being that she is from LA.
But - we really had pegged this article for you today. But then the doubt entered: "Eh, they probably got tons of Motivation Monday type emails today. They want the media meat and potatoes." And then just today we heard from a reader that our emails keep her going. So here you go! The original email we wanted to send you!
"You're So Sweet..."
You're on your own, Business Owner. Sure, you have a team of supporters who are your staff, spouse, partner, parents, children, friends, board members, etc. But really, you're the visionary and you're on your own. All alone in your head. So it's your headspace that needs to be fierce.
For those of you who operate on the nice side - and for those of you who know how to be nice, but know how to get sh*t done or can see clearly what you want - you may set people off - take them by surprise - when you're direct or - gawd forbid - not nice. Or you are nice, but you are firm in an answer you are giving them, and it's one they don't like.
The Threat - Sweet or Psycho?
Here's what I mean. If you are sweet, and then get all business on someone, they may look at you like a psycho. They may get offended. They may bark back. And that takes some getting used to. Something to stand up to, and embrace. Examples:
1. Bad Business Partner Breakup
The first time it happened was when I was in a bad business partner breakup. We were a trio, and one of us was bucking the system. Every morning, my business partner at the time and I would wake up to scary emails from our other business partner, threatening us. Tilting our perceptions of reality. Trying to knock us sideways.
The sentence I remember the most was: "Everyone thinks you are so sweet, Katie. But I am going to tell everyone that you can't get things done." It was my biggest fear. I am nice, but I had a tiny baby that I just gave birth to. Things were tough. But it was our own internal deadlines I struggled with because they were unrealistic, never ended, and always changed.
We prevailed. I embraced my sweet, nice side, but held firm during our breakup, making her really mad with my carefully crafted emails (we had a laywer in the background advising us on what to say). I drove her crazy, and I realized that I could embrace my sweet but psycho side. It was relieving.
2. "Uh-Oh, Business Katie Is Here"
The second time it happened was when I was trying to bring on a new contractor. Things weren't fitting quite right. Each meeting made me want to sprint out the door and run across town. Was it excitement? Or frustration at the truth that I was ignoring. The truth that this contractor wasn't a fit. It was the latter. The day I realized this, I put everything into writing for a contract we could start fresh with. The response I got was: "Uh, oh. I had a feeling Business Katie was showing up today."
Yes she did.
3. Homework
The third time this happened (so far..won't be the last), was during another contract negotiation. I was pushed off kilter again. I was given an indication that I couldn't do what I was doing because of certain rules, but all would be OK. It made me fearful to do my homework to find the right answer. Would I open a can of worms? Or should I live with clarity and find the answer. I opted to live with clarity and find the answer. I did my homework and made a scary phone call to get a clarified answer. Turns out all was well. I was correct in what I was doing.
Sweet but psycho. A reminder to one's self that internally, we must be very strong and very grounded.
Sweet But Psycho - Embraced
When grounding yourself in your sweet but psycho strong side, you must stand very tall. You must put your boots on with a heel. You must cross your arms if you need to. Or put your arms on hips. You must stand like a grizzly or mama bear to show your full you.
You must let silence hang in the air after you speak your piece. No need to repeat it. You must let silence fall. You cannot fill in the air with your voice just to make that other person comfortable. If they are confused, or say "what?" you simply say: "That's what I said." Give it a minute, and they will verbalize back what you said. Because they heard you. They just didn't want to hear you.
Give it a try.
Create the uncomfortable. That will heal the manipulation that is in the air, and cut to the chase, to give you what you need to succeed or be heard.
Need a support system? Tell us about it in Tin Shingle's Community. We are here for you, Business Owner. We got your back!